Reflections at Christmas

Christmas is always a time for a reflection but this year that has been heightened somewhat.  The other night I was watching Charlie in his school nativity play and it struck me that this time last year I didn't know what was wrong with me nor was I sure I would even see my son in another nativity play. That may sound melodramatic but when you feel and see yourself going downhill every day, when each morning it's a little harder to walk to the car and to get to work and when the doctors have no answers for you, it's easy to start wondering if it's MS, MND, Cancer or whatever!  Since then it's fair to say that 2011 has been a hell of a year.  The extensive neurological tests, the diagnosis, heavy dose chemotherapy, the stem cell transplant, learning to cope with and battle against disability have all taken their toll in some way or another.  There have also been a lot of hospital visits and painful physiotherapy to deal with.  But earlier this week things changed.  I suddenly found the physical strength and the confidence to walk up and down the stairs and to be able to get in and out of the house without my wheelchair.  I have found a new independence from this. Of course, I only walk with a walking frame as I still have little balance and my legs still need strengthening, which this new found ability will foster.  Then on Wednesday I visited my consultant haematologist in Oxford and he gave me what is as near to an all clear that anyone with POEMS syndrome will ever get.  Last week I felt as though I had reached a plateau in my recovery. I was struggling to get around but was nevertheless getting around better than I had been when I was discharged from hospital.  I was wondering whether or not where I had got to, was as far as I would go.  But the sudden spurt of impetus in my recovery has given me new hope this week that actually, things can get much better, indeed, they are getting much better.  So not only have I been able to reflect positively on long term aspects that hey, here I was watching another nativity play and that there's no reason I won't see next year's nativity play, I was also able to reflect on the short term that suddenly things are getting better and that this Christmas is going to be a fab one and that 2012 will be a great year for me and my family.  I couldn't have done this on my own and there have been many fantastic people to help me through 2011, you know who you are: thank you!  Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.